The Watcher ...(Dr. Dre)

 
Get Into It ...

When the counselor started running down the names of who only had a few more of these waste-of-time classes, before they went before the judge, who would determine whether their felony stayed or was repealed, I knew we were in the last five minutes of the session - as this was what she always did during the last five minutes.  I knew I had at least six more weeks remaining, so anything she had to say didn’t apply to me.

I used this time to check Ryndra’s email.  I always had to keep an eye on her, that move she made with the Domestic Violence Counselor was too slick of a move for her to be making; she definitely needed constant watching.  Without it she might slip away from me.  I couldn’t have that, because I loved her like I had never loved another woman.  I know we started out badly, but I had listened to her problems and helped her work her way through them for quite some time before I even met her and fell in love at first sight.  I know I had a girlfriend, but she could have at least given me a chance to show her what I was willing to do for her, before she agreed to a relationship with that corny nigga; she came out to meet me the day, of the night, she ‘coupled up’ with him.  

He was really the source of all of our problems.  She needed a dude like me, but she loved him so much, she would tell me that all the time.  I would rub the heels of her feet, while we watched "Love and Hip-Hop" or some other nonsense show, and she would start crying before bursting out with:

“I feel so awful doing things this way, I am going to have to just let him know what’s going on…”

She was sobbing and turning red.  I didn't want her to get so emotional that she started to have lupus symptoms or a possible full on flare.  Watching her crying get more and more intense, so much so that her speech was reduced to blubbering, I had to check her quickly,

“Ryn.”

She gave me a cold look.

“Ryndra…Ryndra…is that better.  Look, you know I only said it because it was shorter.  No disrespect...”

She turned so quickly, I thought she was going to slap me or something, but instead she just replied, in so soft a voice that I almost missed it:

“No...I guess you may as well call me whatever you want.  There’s nothing more disrespectful than this…I’m fucking around on him, but concerned about you calling me the nickname considered exclusive to him.  I am sure he would have a whole new nickname for me, if he knew that while he was calling me ‘Ryn’, albeit exclusively…you were enjoying exclusive mouth and cock contact with my pussy.  I bet he wouldn’t even mind you calling me "Ryn" then.  I bet he would just transition to calling me a whole new nickname, probably one that starts with the letter B."

She broke down crying again, I hated to hear her bemoan that corny-ass nigga, who didn’t know enough to elevate her beyond my reach, especially in my bed-post coitus.  It was annoying as hell to watch her transition from this seemingly lust-filled siren, into a crying mess.  I rubbed her on her back, as she cried softly into the pillow.  I thought she was calming down, when she turned to me, red-eyed face streaked with tears:

“I was just so tired of the bullshit with him; he always says he's so into me now, but I haven’t felt a change since…since...the New Year's trip.  He said things would change.  And you know me, I was very direct with him.  I told him, ‘you don’t have to be with me, if you don’t want to…just don’t.  We can just be cool - like we were,’ I said.  

'

'And you,. you’ve always been so good to me.  You let me stay with you, and really do your best to make me feel ‘up’, when I am ‘down...  It’s like he doesn’t even see me ‘down’.  And, like I told you…we don't sleep together, he barely touches me.  I don’t even think he likes me like that - It's really the weirdest relationship I've ever been in."

I watched, her breathing return to a normal rate and her eyes dry to streaks on her cheeks...glad to see her calming down, I just nodded as she spoke to me softly and honestly; in a way she hasn't in a long time - in a way she hasn't since she drove me to hit her: 

"...However this  may sound, because of this weird relationship, I know love is real, and I also know it can manifests differently each time you fall in.  I fell in love with you differently than I have ever anyone else, or maybe that's lust - but I fell in love with Chimeze three times...

None of the three were even in the same range...the feeling, the vibe, the expression... It's all different"

Usually I can't stand when she goes into these deep monologues, especially about Chimeze's corny  'bitch-ass nigga number one' ass - but I was intrigued by the notion that one could fall in and out of love with one person, in different ways...in a relatively short period of time.Sometimes, she was just so deep and intellectual that   I couldn't help but to prolong the bullshit,  "different how, Ryndra?  I don't understand how you could love someone so....so one dimensional", I inquired.

MOOD