Guess who's Bizzak... -Fabolous

      It probably seemed like i was thinking a bit too long to give him the simple 'yes' he was expecting, so he repeated himself -though i was listening intently and thinking hard about what to say or how to interrupt this chain of events. 
 
    It gave me some additional thinking time: Chimeze would never be down for me to go to a sex party and though ill admit , it peaked my interest -considering all that wasn't happening between 'Meze and I-I still knew better. 

   "Sexual healing party" I said  before  i chuckled to myself -not aloud .  I wondered what happens at those. Probably sex! And not the most healing type either  ; sex between the rich , white and rich white consenting and a few desirable people forced to bargain with their sex bits due to poverty or something.

    All dressed down in fancy panties  and boob dressings , as fake boobs don't need bras that actually do the job of holding. Fake boobs, quite like me -hold themselves up and on occasion, they hold themselves down. I chuckled again, this time -not so low.

   Banks shot me a look -as though he could hear me laughing at their cleaver but flimsy veil on the wording and the activity ... "I'm thinking, just give me a few moments."

    He probably thought I was thinking about what I wanted to wear to the party; does he hear 'no 'that infrequently-I wondered . I won't lie, the offer of expensive lingerie intrigued me ; how would Chimeze ever find out -unless I told him. He wouldn't go to this type of party; the drugs , the sex-not his thing at all...at least not anymore.

    The lock-down parties he attended in the past, were ghetto affairs. No one at this party would smell of unwashed ass , while grinding on him for twenty dollars. No one at this party would offer to do things for cash that were barred in upstanding stripping establishments -like at the lock-down parties he once preferred. However, it would still be the same shit: ass for cash, but dressed up.

   For a second I allowed myself to think the money could sway him to my side on this one, or maybe the lingerie; which I would get to keep- but when I rethought the situation-I realized , it wouldn't. Gerald was the only 'momentary lapse in judgement' I was allowed. So, if i went I certainly couldn't  tell Meze about this-not the drugs, this sex party thing; I couldn't tell him anything at all.
  
    Shit in his anger, he might blow up the whole situation; for me, banks and this sexual healing party-which would put us all in danger I didn't need him consulting his friends on this one.

    Since  the episode with Gerald-we had promised to stay open with one another. So that meant, no lying about this or anything else; I knew Chimeze wouldn't be interested in me pedaling pills out of my panty an bra set , even less so when he realize it involved an underclothes  hyper-sexed crowd.

. I didn’t even know, if my appearance at the party meant that I would have to partake in sexual acts with the attendees-but I wasn’t going to ask because I wasn’t going ! That was that.

 

   I had to tell Banks ,diplomatically of course,  that I , as Chimeze's girlfriend , couldn't be involved in this...high end of the lowest end of human consumption practices. I got in this to deal pills- not pussy.

"So Ryn, this will yield you a personal payout of 5G’s for two hours work…”

Banks continued on with some details, but the money had my head spinning; ‘five grand for two hours’ would put me significantly closer to my goal, which was always  more( and more) money in the closet.

    I had to tell Banks ,diplomatically of course,  that I , as Chimeze's girlfriend , couldn't be involved in this...high end of the lowest end of human consumption practices. I got in this to deal pills, not pussy.

"So Ryn,again  this will yield you a personal payout of 5G’s for two hours work…”

Banks continued on with some details, but the money had my head spinning; ‘five grand for two hours’ would put me significantly closer to my monetary goal 

   I briefly thought about just slipping away or lying to 'Meze: ‘I'm just going to stay in tonight”- I tried it out to see how it sounded . It sounded horrible and even thought five grand was a significant addition to my resources _ I felt horribly. We agreed ‘no more lies’ and if I lie, he might come check up on me  find me out, if that happened he would certainly leave. I was in a fucked up position :

And Banks assumed I was in position: “So Ryndra…here’s the list Just let me know where you are going ? The doors to the spot open at 7pm ,: you need to be there at 6:30pm-to set up. I can have Daryl take you in the car and pick you-

   I let out a deep sigh , because I needed time . This was huge , I needed my job, but I had made some changes in my relationship contract that required my job description be modified.

I hyped myself up, thinking about how misogynistic this all was-really!Why did I have to be the one serving product in my panties? Why mot one of the guys-in their boxers? It was because I was the only woman…and I needed to speak on it “You know Banks…”

“what?, I cant hear you…” he said, while dusting off a shelf.

“Some of my co-workers(all of them in fact) bring more ‘T&A’ to the table than I do” (referring to how fat his other people were-so fat they could’ve filled most bras better than I ever could). I repressed a giggle as I continued; “…why can’t they do this job? I just- you know what…no. that’s the answer. my answer. No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’?”, he asked , with a joking lilt to his voice.

I rolled my eyes at how ‘seriously’ I was being taken. That’s the thing about these off the grid employment scenarios…when shit like this happens-who do you call to correct it. Who moderates the drug industry, the DEA maybe-but I knew better than to crack about that.

“Look, I am unable to attend the ‘sexual healing extravaganza thing. I have a scheduling conflict.”

Now, I thought,-as my statement hung in the air-with no response to pull it out of it. It’s done-he has to figure something else out. That’s that. I can’t go.

I turned, for whatever reason I felt comfortable taking my eyes off of Banks for the moment-looking back, any moment is too long …

When I thought to focus again, I felt a pinch, and a prick simultaneously. The pinch was his forefingers on my shoulder, squeezing me back to attention-with pain.

The prick was a sharpened piece of plastic-a bookmark maybe. ‘shit, the things people innovate in jail’. Whatever it was , it was two seconds from breaking skin-my skin vs separating the pages of a book –as it should’ve been.

“No is not a good answer Ryndra…. It’s not a good answer and it’s not a correct one! Is it your final one?”, he asked sounding like an evil version of Regis on 'Who wants to be a Millionaire"-except this wasn't innocent daytime television. This was serious and I stood a fair chance of losing more than the opportunity to make some money.

I recognized the spacing of his statement was designed to give me a chance to ‘eek out’ the correct answer-one I guessed to be the opposite of no.

As if reading my mind in my time of hesitation, Banks filled in the space I was unwilling to cooperate and fill :

“Maybe is also an incorrect answer…” he emphasized with a harder squeeze and more pressure on his ‘jail made’ tool.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I yelled.

“Am I not allowed to say no?”

I was met with silence.

“I have done everything you have asked and the one time I say no…you know what? Whatever you are going to do, do it . Do It; and be done with it…”

 I was so sick of this shit. The proving that was required of me in this male space, that neither females nor males should have been occupying anyway. Also, I thought I would be treated better than my co-workers, because I consistently out preform them; more clients, more money, more connections, and more workable ideas-and no new problems, but fuck it..as soon as I refused an order, I am expendable –straight like that…. He thought he could scare me into submission, but he didn’t know I had been through worse , a scarier training session –so to speak-so fuck him and this…

He eased up on his shank and pushed harder with his words:

“why is your face twisted up? I can see the plot behind your fucking eyeballs-but I heard that despite all of this bravado you showcase around me and the boys, you have some nigga bossing you around. Watching my eyes water and grow large, he re-concealed his weapons and released his grip on my shoulder, only to do a 380 and wrap his hands around my neck:

“Like this!”

Tears were brimming in my eyes, but I use to swim-semi-professionally; so I called upon that skill and pretended like this was any other day at the pool-it wasn’t easy.

Also I don’t know how he expected me to listen-to understand what he wanted me to hear, as he was cutting off the air to my brain, literally shutting down mt ability to hear, think and comprehend...

Suddenly he let me go, sending me tumbling to the floor-gasping for air :

“So you say no- to me. You say ‘no’, you fucking good for nothing cunt”

I stayed close to the ground-as this sounded familiar…like I said, I had training:

“You know what else rhymes with ‘no’ Ryndra….Go!” rhymes with ‘no’. That’s what you can do…’Go!, take your ass on…you’re done.”

I wanted to delve a little deeper, and figure out what this meant for my career, whether I would be able to make 'this money' and buy my spot-but I didn't. I wisely grabbed my purse and the paperwork that I was required to fill out to take a leave from school-that went floated to the floor - when he grabbed me the first time and decided to leave while I still could. I'd find out the rest at a later date...

 ***

Today was that later date. Same office. Same spot.And he was again not looking at me , dusting the same book-repeating the directions he had given me two months earlier; There was another party happening, but this time I was without Chimeze, fresh out of the realtors office  and had a dire need for the extra 10 grand he was promising for only three hours work ...

                                                         MOOD: